You Can Pay An Insane Amount Of Money To Get Into A Good Sorority If You’re Ugly & Boring

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Ahhh … sorority surge. The one time of year where a assortment of phony af basic betches recruit a cluster of younger, newer imitation af basic betches to pay to be their sidekick. The only difficulty is if you’re ugly or stupid or or inadequate or have the personality of a fucking brick wall, you’re pretty much SOL. Especially those first three because god knows all they truly am worried about is you being sizzling, sitting next to a nerd all through high school having a good GPA, and what your dad’s bank account consider this to be. But don’t concern. If any of that describes you, we’re now to induce your shitty-ass Wednesday better and tell you about sorority rush consultants aka middle-aged women who they are able to pay to help you become a college explanation of a Stepford wife. Lucky you!

did a entire write up on the strange living for these surge consultants, and tbh, I can’t tell if their give is “holy fuck this is terrifying” or “yippee what a brill idea.” But I’m now to say that this is the thirstiest, most pathetic shit I’ve heard in my entire life. And while I speak the entire happening in all its honour, I’m taking a bullet for you betches and simply breaking down the essential points to save you both occasion and ability cadres. I accept both money and wine as forms of payment as a ratify of your gratitude. Oh, and the asterisks imply the girls’ lists were changed to prevent further hazing for compensating someone to clear them cool.

Not from the South ?!?! THE HORROR! As person or persons from the South who was in a sorority at an SEC school, I can tell you that no one yields a controlling fuck if you’re from the South or not. It’s not like northerners or westerners are fucking lepers or something. And wtf is a rush consultant do about that? Forge your delivery authorization. Fucking disbelief it.

First of all, I wouldn’t make sorority advice from the status of women named Pat. Sorry. But that’s exactly a point. Second of all, of course this shit it based out of Birmingham. And third of all, “one of the most important aspects of higher education”? Are you serious? I’m all for get shitfaced and dressing like a slutty highlighter for a neon-themed mixerbut I wouldn’t exactly describe that as “one of the most important aspects of higher education” for women. But thanks for your opinion, Pat.

Wow. There’s so much bullshit now I can just fucking wheeze. Did I miss the duty where dancing with other girls, hanging out with people who aren’t your lover, and wearing bikinis aren’t pretty much the only thing sororities do? I can candidly say in the four years I was in college all I did was dance like a hoe with your best friend, hang out with fuckboys without being their girlfriend, and skip class to go to the pond in the smaller bathing suit I could find. Who fucking cares? Are these people trying to join a sorority or a convent? PLEASE ADVISE, PAT. And god forbid a good Southern girl care about politics. Or have sentiments of any kind, for that are important. There are more important things a sorority sister should focus on–you know, like contouring and supermarket and spouse hunting. Obvi.

Let me start by saying, I personally do not repute cowboy boots are ever a good outfit choice. Like, are you listen to mobilize the moo-cows or fucking imbibe? But I sidetrack because there’s a bigger publication. If by “meet what’s expected” you signify “wear fucking Lilly Pulitzer like a massive toddler on Easter, ” that’s gonna have to be a hard pass from me, dawg. And idk where sorority daughters get off telling people to cover up. Have you gone through your Explore page on Insta recently? It’s pretty much boob and labia and sorority side indicates. So excuse the fuck out of me for showing my back.

$1,500 for texting person a few times about what to wear for hurry-up? Of trend it’s not for the money! Pat is essentially a philanthropist. Idk if you heard, but she’s actually being considered for the Nobel Peace Prize this year.

Hey “Sarah”, here’s some fucking suggestion. Say whatever you wanna say. You are literally regulating what group of daughters are to haze and magistrate tf out of you two are your best friend so if shit’s tricky, they’re probs not the privilege house for you. Is that not fucking obvious?

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